From this history I would not have expected to be so thankful that he is my sons father. We are truly blessed. He was with me during child birth and I can truly say he has stepped up to the plate. I think a turning point with him helping out financially (he’s always spent time with his son ) was when I told him to not bother giving me money because it was more aggravating when he didn’t have any to give each week then not getting any money at all. Plenty of people would tell me to take him to court for money. I always responded I don’t want to ruin his relationship with his son.

Thankfully I wasn’t strapped for cash so my son never needed anything I couldn’t provide. I could see how someone how isn’t in a similar position may rush to court to straighten out a situation that should be handled between two adults. Learning how to be a parent and realizing you’re a parent doesn’t happen over night.

I’m so glad I didn’t go to court. Now his situation has changed and he contributes more than we agreed upon, he still sees his son a couple days a week, keeps him when I need to travel multiple days for work, and my son sometimes calls for Dada when crying or when I pick him up from the sitter. His dad and I only talk when it has to do with our sons well being though. Can’t seem to make our relationship better though.

Its funny , how all those people who were telling me to take him to court, don’t have any words about him when he’s doing the right thing. I guess that’s not as interesting of a topic!

That being said, we chose to have children for boys in grown bodies that never had the nurturing household that taught them proper responsibilities. They that do not support their own children, grew up seeing their mothers supporting them and didn’t get to see the fathers contribution in their lives. Be it funds that the mothers privately deposited, the clothes that his mother gave him without crediting his father, or the groceries that his father was to drop off while he was sleeping in the night, these men today have no memory of a fathers fight to care for them. And yes, in some cases this is an ongoing thread throughout several generations.

Girls fitting on their mothers dress and heels. It took some time to realize how big those shoes are. The weight of that dress or stress? Yes, the boys just want to play. Play with you, their toys and their friends. Did they ever listen their mother when she use to tell them that playtime was over? You need to play hard-ball and let it hit them between the eye to know how much it hurts. Hurts you and that child when he doesn’t stop playing around. Do what you have to regardless how it feels to you, and bring this player through the bases in strides to a “HOME RUN”. There is now one to go to. You must go up to bat a swing to bring him to his senses. DO NOT USE VIOLENCE, use tolerance and conviction to reach the man inside the boy. You will see him come home and give his toys to his child. His friends will do the same.

I took my son’s father to court, and he was scared into lying to save himself. No one ever took him to court before, and I knew he would hate me for it. Yet, I had a book with me that said sometimes you do what you know is right and only understand that there are days left for change. I could only hope that he would take this new experience as a spanking that he never got at home to be disciplined in his future actions.

I went up to bat. I swung. 9 years later…it worked. He “RAN HOME” He calls me now asking what he can do to help more with our son. our son calls him every night to remind him what his involvement means to him. Now he understands where he went wrong.

My husband had a boy still loose in him. When everything else failed, I let him go. I chased him out to the sports cars, downtown life and party crowds. I told him to lay with anything that wanted him. Take it all! Feed his curiosity till his belly swells. I went up to bat. I swung. 2 years later he “RAN HOME”. His speech wasn’t full of “I”’s but was replaced with “We”s and “Us” and “the children’s”. He gave the kids his toys and bought them new ones. He sent money just because. He takes them out more now that he understands how valuable the weekends became to the kids after 2 years of them visiting him. He said he was lonely, sorry, and ashamed. He still doesn’t understand why I so easily let him go without fighting to keep him. I told him
” It was the boy I wanted. He was the worm on the hook, it was the man I sent you out to catch.”

Go to bat, swing, and bring him “HOME”.

Thanks for posting.